Joy

Because your steadfast love is better than life,my lips will praise you. - Psalm 63:3

Being engaged has been amazing and at the same time a little difficult. If you ask whether or not I'm scared, I can confidently say that I'm not scared about marrying Jeff. I love this man of God, he loves me more than I could've asked for, and we trust not in our love for each other but in the God and Gospel that have brought us thus far. On the other hand, the logistics of wedding planning though have been kind of looming over me, along with the refining that comes with learning to trust God with every single detail. Looming over and overwhelming me to the point of not being able to sleep at all a couple of days ago.

I wanted to take some time though to share how has been speaking to me. God really moved me today during worship at SICCC; he filled my heart with joy and anticipation of his return and the wedding of all weddings- when his Church is presented a perfect, spotless bride to Christ.

On the way back from at Cornell after Jeff proposed, one thought that came in my mind was how thankful I am that we have Jesus. Not just because he's given us each other as we've followed him or because we don't have fear about the future through him, but because he is our greatest joy. I wasn't just saying it because I believed it in my head, and I didn't think this as I've thought in the past- in a guilty, "well, God is what i SHOULD be excited about, so I need to be less excited about other things." I felt sooo much joy about this new step in our lives. But when I thought about the fact that, without Jesus, the happiness of getting engaged would be one of the deepest joys I'd ever feel... I felt sad for those who have never experienced joy in God. Don't get me wrong, this will rank up there in terms of happy days in my life, a tremendous undeserved blessing from God, but in terms of sheer magnitude, honestly, it can't even begin to compare to the deep joy that Jeff and I have experienced in knowing Jesus Christ. That amazes me.

Jeff prayed last night about hope and this sense of anticipation we have. It's a prequel to and reflection of our heart's deepest yearning and anticipation to see Jesus. It's amazing that in this time that I thought I'd be temped to be more excited about something tangible than what is eternal, life's joys actually are being used by God to increase my experiential knowledge of his goodness. And having been gifted that foundation of deep joy in the unchanging and eternal God, I feel that we are actually more free to enjoy the gifts that come from our perfect Giver and the Lover of our souls. Our wedding day may never come- Jesus could come or one of us could go to meet Jesus before then, but we have a sure and solid hope in Christ. The deep and sure hope we have in him has to be there in order for us to enjoy these smaller hopes. We feel sure of this not because we're super "spiritual", holy or anything like that. That's just how good, infinitely sweet, and 100% certain God's steadfast love and promises are.

Oh, to continue to taste it more deeply and continually invite others to do so as well.

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It is of the essence of faith to crave assurance; hence it cannot come to rest until it has cast its anchor into the eternal. And heaven above all else partakes of the character of eternity. It is the realm of the unchangeable. In this lower world, time with its law of attrition is king. Nothing can escape his inexorable rule. What is must cease to be, what appears must vanish, what is built must be broken down, even though the human heart should cherish it more than its own life. And this applies not merely to objects of natural affection; it involves also much that is of transitory purpose in the service and church of God…There is neither quietness nor repose for the believer’s heart except on the bosom of eternity. - Geerhardus Vos