My Favorite Christmas Song

I don't like a lot of Christmas songs. I actually avoid stores and radio around this time because listening to some of these songs makes my stomach feel nervous and sometimes irk me. (Especially the new pop-y ones that feel so empty and meaningless.)

But this one is my favorite because it talks about the hope in Christ's coming, the beauty of his birth, the price it cost for all the joy we now have, and ultimately the great love of the One who would give so much. Plus, the melody is pretty.

Welcome To Our World- Chris Rice
Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

Things that make me tear up (in a good way)

Reminders of God's grace in my life..

• Listening to little children (especially children's choirs) sing to Jesus... Something about their childlike faith and how I know God is pleased to receive the offering of ones such as these always move me.

• Talking and hearing the testimonies of elderly followers of Jesus...
  Seeing years of faithfulness and a deep trust and joy in God. I wanna be like them. This past thanksgiving an elderly Chinese man at church shared about how he thought his wife was going to die when she passed out in their home, and about how his prayer was "God, receive my wife's spirit. May your will be done." (She woke up and is better now, I think.) That was moving. And also talking to people who've just faithfully followed Jesus, you can just feel the sense of peace and joy they have that's not naive, but are like a diamond forged by going through the darkest times in life.
  

• When my brother and sister share about what God's doing in their lives...
I'm so proud of them! And so thankful for the way they challenge me to love Jesus more as not just my bro and sis, but brother and sister in Christ. It's hard to see them struggle (oh man, Caleb going to V-SET 07..broke my heart to see him physically struggling) and sometimes I'd get scared about whether God will keep them walking with him. But what a privilege to walk with my bro and sis. =)

• Singing songs or hearing someone share about heaven...
Songs that bring my heart and eyes to look toward the true hope and fulfillment of what I'm living for- to see my Savior face to face. That's why I really like the song City of Peace. One time when we were talking about favorite songs and Jeff said "I haven't heard it yet" and made me think about the fact that when we go to heaven, we'll hear our favorite song..yeah, I teared up.

I love when people share about heaven in a way that stirs my heart to think about how the best is when I'm going to be with God. Not just because there's no more suffering, but because that's what I was made for and in the depths of my heart there's a longing for Home. When I was young, thinking about eternity would give me this sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach (Eternity?? That's sooo long! What are we doing to be doing??) But the sweeter Jesus has become to me as I've seen God more for who he is, my heart grows with anticipation for the day I'll know him by sight and not by faith.

God-ward

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 26:36

I used to use my own inward desires as a gauge of my heart for God. Either that, or I measured it by my outward compliance to doing what was "right". I'm learning now though that there is no "inward" vs. "outward" obedience in Scripture (when there is a separation, it isn't true obedience). Rather, we are called to move God-ward, given the power to so because we've been given new hearts.

I'm seeing now how the God of the Bible is so different than what I've made him out to be and that he desires so much more than our feelings of satisfaction or our "ok FINE I'll do it." I used to think that not having the "heart" (defined by myself as passionate feelings) for God meant that I still hadn't loved God enough. Then I thought that meant until I did have the "right heart", I still had to do what was right just because it was right regardless of how I felt. I blamed my lack of desire to obey on my quiet times, not really having the right heart, sin, etc. Now I'm seeing how in these thoughts, I've missed the relational aspect of faith. Faith isn't some abstract concept, like some kind of idea we're tested on or an ambiguous, semi-measurable quality. It's, in essence, a looking to God.

I'm seeing now the beauty in a heart of faith that, coming honestly before God's throne of grace, chooses by grace to trust. This heart, in the midst of doubt and in the humble acknowledgment of the impossibility of forging our own obedience, is the regenerate heart- one that's not attained by our own achievement, merit, religiosity, or desire, but that is gifted to us. There must truly be some utterly life transforming force that enables a person to not say with popular culture, "I'll just do what I feel like" nor with religion, "I'll just do it because of principle." Only a new, living heart can pray "I have tasted, I know that my God is good. And now it's so hard, it hurts so much, my heart cannot obey. Oh God I need you. Oh God help me to trust you... From my gut and the very core of my being and all that's left of me, I choose to trust you." It's completely counterintuitive and impossible from a human perspective. It's completely life-transforming. And, I believe, it brings glory to God.

"What? You're not going to just go with what you feel like?" or "What? You're not doing this because you're inherently good, trying to make yourself a better person, or just because you feel guilty?"
No.
"Then why?..."
See, I'm a wreck. But God- he's given me a new heart.
"Really?..."
Yeah, it's crazy huh? But it's true.
"Wow. God must be amazing."
Yeah...tell me about it.



That would be awesome.

Trophies & Plaques

Took this picture inside a fort in Fort Wadsworth, Staten Island. Don't remember the story, think they were just moving out of the fort..a..long time ago and so they took the hanging stuff down.

Thought it was a good reminder. This'll happen to ours too, but they won't be moving with us.

Piety

I call "piety" that reverence joined with love of God which the knowledge of his benefits induces. For until men recognize that they owe everything to God, that they are nourished by his fatherly care, that he is the Author of their every good, that they should seek nothing beyond him- they will never yield him willing service. Nay, unless they establish their complete happiness in him, they will never give themselves truly and sincerely to him.

- John Calvin

Not Withholding

This summer I realized that I really am passive-aggressive.

I've been told this before and agreed, but didn't see it clearly in myself nor recognize it as wrong until I was teaching English in Xiamen. The kids were being rowdy already and I'd been losing my voice trying to speak over them, they were being reluctant about signing up for Olympic games, and we had just one more spot to fill that no one would sign up for. On top of this, I had to stand in front of the door so they wouldn't leave because they were complaining about getting out to lunch. Finally, I said "Ok, fine. We'll just have one person play this game. Go to lunch." I walked out to door feeling annoyed, but not that angry.

Even as the rest of the team confessed to having a hard morning and being angry with the kids, I didn't feel like I was mad until I passed by two of my students in the hallway. I responded to their "HIII MISSS FAAAIIITHHHH" with a "hello" and just totally walked past them. I wasn't going to shout at them. But I wouldn't keep loving them- I withheld because they weren't doing what I wanted them to do. It freaked me out because I realized how sinful it was and how damaging it could be to those around me and destructive to my relationships. I don't want to make people feel like they have to earn my affection and approval. I don't want people to have to guess about how I'm doing, trying to figure out how I feel because I'm upset and I'm giving them the cold shoulder. I'm still learning about this, I close up to others and my heart shuts when I'm angry/ frustrated...But I'm learning to repent, talk it out, asking God to change me.

I'm thankful though, that God isn't like me.

For reasons beyond me (and totally about him) my life seems to show that God is committed to blessing me. Not necessarily by giving me what I want all the time. But that's the amazing thing. He's committed to blessing me with what is best, even though I complain against his way and his will. In my flesh, I even wanted to cancel the Olympics "You guys don't want to play these games? Fine! You miss out!" But God is so different. I question him in anger sometimes, with the ignorant and ungrateful audacity to say things like "Why do I always have to do what I don't want to do?" which implies "Why do you make me do this??" I am ungrateful for his leading. I have been in the past, and I'm struggling even with it now.

God is perfect in all his ways. He is loving and merciful. He is righteous and holy, deserving of my joyful obedience. And yet, even when I drag my feet with the wrong attitude, acting as if I'm doing God a favor by obeying him, questioning if he is good and if his ways are really best/worth it...he continues to shower me with grace upon grace. He continues to bear with me as he leads me down his path and his purpose until I finally am silenced because I really see that his way has been better all along. God is committed to me in a way that I have only started to comprehend.

If we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

Really now, who is like our God?

Excited and a bit scared

Leaving in 24 hours for Taiwan then China for the next 5 weeks. We'll be teaching English and working with local believers. Please keep us in your prayers! And let me know if you want in on e-mail updates by shooting me an email or leaving a comment.

Take care yall! =)

love,
Faith